a "been-there" mom of six offers encouragement
to wives, young mothers, and those not so young,
and simple common-sense approaches to
the "ings" of life:
child-rearing (hints and helps), homemaking (all areas),
cooking (simple, cheap, and do-it-yourself)
making (toys and gifts), preparing (for the unexpected),
maintaining (sanity and peace in this increasingly crazy world) and more---
all aspects of making the most of making do on little---
and having fun in the process.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Saving Moms from "Personal" Bankruptcy

Moms, if you didn't read yesterday's post, please take the time to read it first. If you don't, it will be like coming in for the second half of the movie.

Taking time for self is as important as doing for others. This new way of living is not going against maternal bond or ideals. Dr. Phil presented the following---
"There is an honest-to-goodness hormonal difference between men and women. It is a science called Behavioral Medicine and the proven truths of it are:
  • When things get tough, men either Fight or Flee
  • Women Tend (nesting and homing) or Befriend
  • Men enjoy their buddies
  • Women NEED friendship. In times of stress, girlfriends help us calm down. This chemical reaction reduces our life's health risks as much as 60 percent."
Oprah added, "Women just don't get it. We HAVE to make ourselves a priority."

If women and their families allow for non-Mom time, it is a good deal for everyone. It eliminates resentment build-up and burn-out. To paraphrase a popular saying, "If Mama is happy then everyone is happy!"

Dr. Phil admonished "If you don't put yourself in the shop as much as your car you are  going to break down."

You are, or may be, becoming a martyr if: 
  • You say no to yourself more than to anyone else
  • You have gone a week without time for yourself while serving everyone else
  • You are making sure everyone else has fun, freedom, relaxation and stress relief, but not yourself
  • You cannot buy into the fact that it is okay to take time for yourself
  • You have been sold the bill of goods that being a wife and/or mom is ALL that is necessary---that you do not need adult time, quiet time, self time.
Many years ago my personal physician told me that stress is the #1 underlying reason for doctor visits and "If you don't stop or at least limit yourself, something will!" I ignored that sound advice and later learned the hard way that you should not wait until you need a doctor's permission slip to say NO.

How do I get this time for me?
Dr. Phil gives us the following steps: 
First, admit that we as women teach people how to treat us---we allow them to treat us the way they often do. 
Second, if your situation is such that you need to do this, write a script to help your family understands your needs. Choose a time when everyone can be together without tension, TV or other distractions. 

Line them all up like birds on a power line, screw up your courage, take a big breath, and say "I want to talk about ME." and put the following into words you are comfortable with---
  • I have been trying to give you everything I have and as a result I have been cheating all of us ---none of you are getting all of me or all I have to give...
  • I can't give you what I don't have and I have just about given all I have...
  • I need wind blown into me. I need to refuel. I need regular and scheduled time to breathe and just be me---not wife, mom, or anything but me---a unique individual...
  • I try to make sure you have everything that you need and in doing so I am neglecting myself. I feel guilty if I take time out for myself and I shouldn't...
  • I want your blessings. I want your encouragement. I NEED your help...
  • I must make sure this happens. I am worth it!
As you consider all the above, and take the hard steps of accepting the seemingly selfish fact that the above is not being selfish at all, remember that bank accounts usually don't increase by huge amounts occasionally, but small amounts regularly. Picture how fast a jar can fill up with the small addition of loose change you add at the end of each day.

I am sure that you will find that setting aside some time for "your" time---though a comparatively small amount---will fill you immeasurably. 

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