a "been-there" mom of six offers encouragement
to wives, young mothers, and those not so young,
and simple common-sense approaches to
the "ings" of life:
child-rearing (hints and helps), homemaking (all areas),
cooking (simple, cheap, and do-it-yourself)
making (toys and gifts), preparing (for the unexpected),
maintaining (sanity and peace in this increasingly crazy world) and more---
all aspects of making the most of making do on little---
and having fun in the process.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Avoiding Womanhood Bankruptcy or . . .

Notice: This post is for those of us who are always doing for their family and for others but never take time for ourselves. That was me in the old days.  It wasn't that I couldn't take time for me-time, I just didn't. It didn't seem right. Except for my paragraph about my personal physician, the information below is from Dr. Phil McGraw, PhD, when he was a guest on Oprah Winfrey's show, several years ago. Some of it is pretty extreme----sometimes we may need extreme. 

. . .Picture the check register of your bank account!
If there are only withdrawals and no deposits you will quickly become financially bankrupt.

Picture yourself as the check register. 
If there are only withdrawals of self and no deposits (renewals) doesn't it follow that you will become emotionally bankrupt?

Where are you on your own priority list?
If you are not high on your own list, take steps to change that.
How can you do that? 
Get over any guilt about making yourself a priority ---
Being the best wife/mom/person is not devoting every minute to others and their needs. Do not feel guilty by not giving 100 percent to others. Do not think you have or must have an infinite amount of energy to give to or provide for others. You will quickly reach the point of "going through the motions."

What gift is that to your family? You cannot give what you do not have.

Structure your life to make yourself a priority ---
You are not giving a gift to yourself or your husband or family if you burn yourself out. It is easier to tell yourself "no" than others. Make appointments with your self and keep them. Be willing to delegate to others to give yourself time. 

Let go of the perception that everything has to be done your way and, if necessary, accept less than "perfection" as a result of this delegation.

"Kiss a Lot of Frogs"
Discover a new role for yourself. Find out what your passions are. Use the survey that follows to create a list of everything you use to do and enjoy. . . and why you stopped doing them. If you stopped because of lack of time, try to figure out how to make a little time. Your time "away from home" brings more energy back home!

I used to love to________________but I quit because_____________
I used to like to ________________but I quit because_____________
I have always wanted to_________________
What is it in my day that truly makes me the happiest?_____________
What was the happiest time in my life?________________
How can I replicate that?________________

You can't let yourself believe it is really okay to put yourself on any rung of the ladder of priorities let alone near the top rung. It will require that you move outside of your comfort zone. Or, could we say rut? This will make you think, make you come up with something to do---and then doing it.

Your husband and kids might make you feel guilty when you try to do something for yourself---which may require (more) help from them. 

When you make deposits in your own personal self account you are buoying yourself up, refreshing and renewing yourself, getting more so you can keep giving. Any kite flies higher with good wind to lift it. 

You will fly higher, with more energy and happiness, if you take time to refill your sails by allowing yourself another dimension. You will not burn out. You and everyone around you will be happier and healthier.

Please ponder these things and if you need some time for yourself  "tune in" tomorrow!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thanks Gail! I needed a reminder!