a "been-there" mom of six offers encouragement
to wives, young mothers, and those not so young,
and simple common-sense approaches to
the "ings" of life:
child-rearing (hints and helps), homemaking (all areas),
cooking (simple, cheap, and do-it-yourself)
making (toys and gifts), preparing (for the unexpected),
maintaining (sanity and peace in this increasingly crazy world) and more---
all aspects of making the most of making do on little---
and having fun in the process.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Help for Loved Ones of Addicts or Alcoholics - 7

Do we agree that our family is our greatest responsibility?

Then, this is the time we must again ask the hard questions:
What is, in the long run, the very best thing for my child?

Is it better to bail them out of jail or let them do their time?

Is it better to pay their debt or let them be responsible for it?

Is it better to pay their rent or buy them food because they choose to spend their money on drugs or alcohol, or just overspend on frivolous stuff, or lose their job because of irresponsibility, or because they are in no condition to hold down a job or-----

let them find their own way out of their own problem?

Which of these choices best teach them? 

What do we tend to do?

How often do we start trying to solve their problem for them?

The hard answer to the hard questions is one of compassion and concern. It is the answer of unconditional love: When our loved one comes to us with a situation they have gotten themselves into we need to respond (and this can be stated simply,  calmly and kindly):

"That is a problem. . .what are you going to do about it?" or ". . . How are you going to handle it?" or ". . . I know you will be able to figure out what to do."

It is not the easy thing to do but it is the right thing to do, the necessary thing to do.

Trust me when I say that my tongue has been very sore from biting it so hard to keep from stepping in or stepping up. 

Before you say, "But my case is special. We are not like that. My child is going to turn their life around when I help them this one more time," let me say, Don't bet the farm on it!

So, where is the caring and loving parent in this? Where is the Christianity in this?

Again, the question we need to ask is, 

"What is the best thing I can do for my loved one?" 


"What is the best thing for me as well?"

Our next post will address the surprising  truths about resentment "How is That?"

Until then, I want to leave you four things to think about:

1. If our addicted loved one asks us to go to their dealer to buy them some drugs would we do it?

2. If our addicted loved one asks us to drive them to their dealer so they could buy some drugs would we do it?

3. If our addicted loved one asks us to loan or give them money so they could go and buy some drugs would we do it?

4. If they ask us to bail them out of jail so they could go use drugs would we do it?

When we provide them with a place to live, food to eat, a car to drive, or make payments for them, aren't we, in fact, freeing up their money so they can go buy drugs?

"Tune in" tomorrow.

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