a "been-there" mom of six offers encouragement
to wives, young mothers, and those not so young,
and simple common-sense approaches to
the "ings" of life:
child-rearing (hints and helps), homemaking (all areas),
cooking (simple, cheap, and do-it-yourself)
making (toys and gifts), preparing (for the unexpected),
maintaining (sanity and peace in this increasingly crazy world) and more---
all aspects of making the most of making do on little---
and having fun in the process.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Help for the Loved Ones of Addicts and Alcoholics - 9

Are you old enough to remember the television show Dragnet?

Sgt. Joe Friday always said "Just the Facts (sir or ma'am)"
when asking for the information
Here are Two Facts

We are living in a society that makes no demands and expects no accountability. Enabling generates a feeling of entitlement which evolves into expectations and demands.

Until they are made to do it for themselves addicts/alcoholics will not do it for themselves!

If we don't enable them, if we do not remove their accountability, does it mean we love them any less? 


The opposite is true.

We do not help them because we DO love them!

They won't see this at the time, but at some future time they will understand.

Young adult children and teenagers are responsible for their decisions and the consequences. It is difficult for us, the parents or in some cases the spouse, to let the consequences take effect. We want to step up and make it easier on our child or spouse, hoping that they have learned their lesson and are ready to turn their life around. Overwhelming statistics tell us that this isn't going to happen. Until they are held accountable for their decisions they will continue on the same path.

But What If We Feel . . .

1. Those of us who have been taught that our families are our most important responsibility, feel we are abdicating that responsibility when we seemingly turn our back on our child in need.

I suggest we are performing a greater disservice when we take away their agency by removing the consequence for their actions.

2. We as parents have a tendency to blame ourselves for the actions of our children. Wrong! If we have done our job as a parent, if we have taught our kids right from wrong, if we have done our best to teach them the right way --- then we have done our job.

Our children have, and must be permitted to use their agency. We are essentially taking on Satan's plan when we remove any part of the agency process.

These are "just the facts."

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