5.
Learning from mistakes.
If I made my bed poorly, did not wash the dishes properly, or did not pull weeds properly, I had to redo these tasks correctly.
Recommendations for Raising Capable, Resilient Children
While parenting requires a personalized approach for each child, some principles seem to be nearly universal. The following principles have proven effective.
STOP THIS BEHAVIOR ---
MOVE FORWARD WITH THIS BEHAVIOR ---
ACHIEVE THIS RESULT ---
Instead of Doing This . . .Set random or arbitrary rules and consequences.
Do This . . .Discuss rules and set logical consequences that are reasonable, related to the behavior, and respectful of both parent and child.
And Get This Result . . . Children know what to expect and learn that choices have consequences.
Instead of Doing This . . .Allow children to avoid the consequences of their choices.
Do This . . .Allow children to experience natural and logical consequences of their choices.
And Get This Result . . . Children learn accountability and responsibility for their choices.
Instead of Doing This . . .Giving mostly correction.
Do This . . .Give mostly praise. Celebrate small steps in the right direction.
And Get This Result . . . Children learn what parents want. They feel encouraged, worthwhile, and appreciated.
Instead of Doing This . . .Be arbitrary and inconsistent in requiring obedience.
Do This . . .Consistently offer desirable rewards for the actions and behaviors you would like to reinforce.
And Get This Result . . . Children learn that they don’t have to want to do hard things; they just have to do them.
Instead of Doing This . . .Praise only outcomes.
Do This . . .Praise for effort regardless of outcome.
And Get This Result . . . Children feel encouraged, confident, and more willing to take on challenges.
Instead of Doing This . . .Send the message to children that their self-worth depends on outcomes.
Do This . . .Tell children they have inherent worth because they are sons or daughters of God and have divine potential.
And Get This Result . . . Self-worth will be attached to the child’s eternal potential instead of temporary success or failure.
Instead of Doing This . . .Talk about failures or successes as being connected to luck or talent.
Do This . . .Define failure as temporary and an opportunity to learn. Define success as a product of hard work and sacrifice.
And Get This Result . . . Children are less discouraged by or afraid of setbacks and are more willing to be persistent.
Instead of Doing This . . .Try to solve children’s problems by giving them all the answers.
Do This . . .Help children (1) identify what happened, (2) analyze what contributed to the outcome, and (3) identify what they can do to avoid this problem next time.
And Get This Result . . . Children develop perceptions of being capable, will address and solve their problems, and will see that they have control in their lives and can overcome challenges.
Instead of Doing This . . .Make children feel dumb by criticizing them, their efforts, and their accomplishments.
Do This . . .Listen and be supportive and encouraging so your children will want to come to you again for help.