Owen and Haatchi . . . a must see short video

Please spend nine minutes watching the heartwarming story of how a young boy with an extremely rare illness and a three-legged, previously abused dog "found" each other and gave each other new life.

If you are like me, those nine short minutes will make your day!










I am sorry but I don't know how to add this as a link you can just click on to open, so please take the extra minute to copy and paste the link, and when the article(s) come up, simply open the video. I am sure you will be glad you did.

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865596529/How-a-dog-tied-to-a-train-track-and-a-boy-with-a-rare-condition-saved-each-other.html

                       Love is Spoken Here!

Help for Loved Ones of Addicts and Alcoholics - 2

The Scriptures* teach us that there was a "war in Heaven" and it was fought over agency and its inseparable twin, accountability.

The basic facts of this war are found in the above verses from Revelations in the NIV Bible.

Dave wrote this talk-which-became-booklet for everyone who is struggling with an addicted loved one.

Our love for our children and our efforts to do the very best thing for them is universal, no matter how we choose to worship. Our family are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and my talk was given in an LDS Church meeting so the material was geared to their understanding.  Still it is a message applicable to anyone of any faith who is experiencing the horrors of addiction in a family member or other loved one.

*The Scriptures I reference are taken from the four standard works of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter- day Saints: The King James Version of the Holy Bible; The Book of Mormon - Another Testament of Jesus Christ (a volume of holy scripture comparable to the Bible. It is a record of God's dealing with the ancient inhabitants of the Americas and contains, as does the Bible, the fullness of the everlasting gospel); The Doctrine and Covenants and the Pearl of Great Price.

In the book of the ancient prophet Abraham in the Pearl of Great Price the scene is set for the future and the pattern for all the spirits that existed.

Abraham 3:24-25 
24 And there stood one (Jesus Christ) among them that was like unto God, and he said unto those who were with him: We will go down, for there is space there, and we will take of these materials, and we will make an earth whereon these may dwell;
25 And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them.

Jesus Christ was going to follow God's plan and allow each individual to have his own agency to choose between right and wrong.  Jesus was giving God all of the glory.

Satan, on the other hand, wanted to FORCE every individual  to return  to the Father instead of giving them a choice and, Satan wanted all the glory.

Satan sought to destroy the agency of man, In my opinion I do not think Satan cared what we would do, whether we kept the commandments or not, if his plan would have been accepted. I don't think he cared if we sinned or didn't sin, he was going to haul us back to our Heavenly Father and there would have been no accountability. He just wanted the glory!

In enabling, regardless  of our good intentions, are we destroying the agency of our loved ones?

Moving forward to what the Scriptures tell us about Agency in the Garden of Eden:

Moses 3:15-17
15 And I, the Lord God, took the man, and put him in the Garden of Eden, to dress it, and to keep it.
16 And I, the Lord God, commanded the man, saying: Of every tree in the garden thou mayest freely eat,
17 But of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it, nevertheless, thou mayest choose for thyself, for it is given unto thee; but, remember that I forbid it, for in the day thou eatest thereof thous shalt surely die.

Enter Satan, he that was cast out with his followers, those who exercised their agency one last time when they chose to follow Satan. They chose to surrender their agency. Satan, the father of all lies comes to Eve to tempt her.

From the Bible:
Gen 3:1-4, Satan tells Eve . . .Thou shalt not surely die. . .

That was the lie that Satan told to Eve. That was the simple lie. What is the bigger lie?  That there would be no accountability for her actions.

The lie was, there would be no accountability!

Freedom Isn't Free!

Lehi is a prophet in the Book of Mormon. Before his death he takes the opportunity to teach his children one last time. Among other things he teaches of the atonement and redemption and the necessity of opposition in the Eternal Plan. Included in that opposition is punishment. All men are to be judged in this plan or the plan is null and void. In fact opposition is a sign of the plan: for without it there is nothing.

We read in The Book of Mormon:

2 Nephi 2:10,11,13
10 And because of the intercession for all, all men come unto God; wherefore, they stand in the presence of Him, to be judged of Him according to the truth and holiness which is in Him. Wherefore, the ends of the law which the Holy One hath given, unto the inflicting of the punishment which is affixed. . .in opposition to that of the happiness which is affixed, to answer the needs of the atonement---
11 For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things: If not so, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad. . .
13 And if ye shall say there is no law, ye shall also say there is no sin. If ye shall say there is no sin, ye shall also say there is no righteousness. And if there be no righteousness there be no happiness. And if there be no righteousness nor happiness there be no punishment nor misery. And if these things are not there is no God. And if there is no God we are not, neither the earth; for there could have been no creation of things, neither to act nor to acted upon; wherefore, all things must have vanished away. 

The scriptures go on to tell us that men "...knowing good from evil..." are to act for themselves and by their actions they choose "liberty and eternal life" by obedience to the law or they choose captivity and death by disobeying the commandments. In other words, they experience the consequences of their actions. We call this process----

                              Agency and Accountability


Without  personal responsibility agency could not operate. Without agency, there would be neither rewards nor punishments----no salvation or damnation. 

So what does all of this have to do with us today?  

How does it apply to our lives and the lives of our loved ones?

We will show you in next week's post.  

Some of the things may offend or hurt initially but they are words that many need to hear. 

To hurt or offend is definitely not the intent. 

     "What I hope happens is some of you will consider the things I have to say and perhaps recognize some changes which need to be made.
     "Some of you may be tempted to think 'These things don't really apply to me' or 'My case is exceptional.' Think again. And think carefully before you say that. 
    "I want to reiterate at this point, I have been through some of the same situations I'm addressing. We have faced the same decisions and the same uncertainties and the same conflicted feeling I'll talk about. They are part of being a parent, and a part of being one of our Heavenly Father's children."

And please, "tune in" next Wednesday.

Treat Yourself Today with this Short and Simple Video. . .

a great reminder for all of us.


  simple truths... the-empty-pickle-jar

Have a great day.

And



remember, the Wednesday Edition, where  I will be posting another section from Dave's booklet on help for the loved ones of addicts and alcoholics.

Help for Loved Ones of Addicts and Alcoholics --- 1

After you have raised your child, doing the very best you can, after that child has begun to exercise their agency, what they decide is in their hands. It is their agency, their life.

After you have reasoned with them, pleaded with them, cried over them and constantly prayed for them, what are you going to do?

After you have helped them out of numerous jams, laid down the law, given them one more chance (again), had them sign contracts, paid their debts, bailed them out of jail, pulled whatever strings you have, bought them a car or two, paid their rent, yet they continue in the path of self-destructive behavior, what do you do next?

We, and countless other parents have tried all of the above, and even more, with the same outcome.

What to do next?

What follows is what we and many others have found to be the best solution.

Is it guaranteed to work? No. Is it a full proof plan? No. But it is your best hope. It will seem to fly in the face of all you have been taught about being a parent and about love. It will be difficult, extremely so. But I believe it offers the best chance your loved one will have to be able, with the Lord’s help, to defeat the demons which beset them.

I have no initials behind my name. My education comes from needing help and seeking that help. From learning what works and what doesn’t. Experience.

The hard truths come from addicts* in recovery. By their own admissions, addicts are liars, cheats, thieves, and manipulators. They are only concerned with themselves and the moment! Addiction has skewed their entire thinking patterns. In order to help them we must accept these initially unacceptable facts, and learn a new patterns of thinking ourselves.

While our ultimate hope is to heal our children, we must come to accept the fact that no matter how hard we try, we cannot do it. If it is to happen, they must do it themselves with the help of the Lord. 

Hopefully this book will help each reader do what they can do —find acceptance and understanding and strength—to be able to offer this seemingly un-Christ-like “Help” to their suffering loved ones.

* When we use the words addicts and addiction we are referring to both drug addicts and alcoholics.

                                       A Weighty Matter

I recently got on the scale and found that I weigh 200 lbs. According to the U.S. Department of Health I am more than 25 lbs. overweight. And it’s Gail’s fault. If she were not such a good cook I would not eat so much and consequently, I would not weigh so much.

Let’s face it, I have a terrible habit, I overeat. Someone help me, please. Take away my extra pounds. Take away my terrible habit. But better yet, let me keep my terrible habit but take away the consequence.

However, as much as I would like to blame Gail or anyone else, I can’t. It is my habit, so it is my consequence. Do I have to have a heart attack before I stop overeating? Maybe I will.

Who must solve this problem? 

Why can’t you do it for me?

Until I take ownership/responsibility for my actions there will be no change in my behavior. As long as I try to push the responsibility off on someone else, I will do nothing about my problem. Or, as long as some else takes responsibility for my actions I will do nothing about it.

I guarantee you, as long as we do not let those we love realize the consequences of their behavior, the behavior will not change. No matter how much we want them to change it will not happen until they are held accountable for their actions.

We cheat our loved ones when we take away their agency/ accountability—the consequences of their actions, whether they be little children or teenagers or adults.

We cheat the Lord’s plan of agency when we do not let them experience the consequences of their action.

Alarmingly, Dr. Ray Johnson, PhD, clinical counselor and professor at North Texas State University states, 

“The most prevalent form of child abuse in this country is the failure of parents to discipline their children.”

Even though we might think we are doing something good and noble for them, we are in fact doing them a terrible disservice. We are harming them, stunting their growth, both in this life and in eternity.

IT IS VITAL THAT WE REALIZE AND ACCEPT THE FACT THAT

WE DIDN’T CAUSE IT!

WE CAN’T CONTROL IT!

WE CAN’T CURE IT!

"tune in" next Wednesday for part 2:  What do we know about agency? and Agency in the Garden of Eden 

It is Important to Teach Your Children . . . the Attitude of Gratitude

When we received the annual thank you notes from some of our grandkids this past Christmas we noticed, while still short and to the point,  they were more thoughtful than the usual “thanks for _________. I love it.”

We later learned they had written their notes following a family discussion on gratitude.

What a wonderful idea for a family discussion.

What an extremely important discussion, for all of us,  in this era of entitlement.

With a little self-awareness we can teach gratitude by example.

Example is the most powerful form of teaching.  It keeps anyone from claiming  they can't hear what we are saying because what we are doing is  overpowering what we are saying.

When I was a young teenager I made a notice for my bedroom. I'm not sure where I originally read it but I know it spoke to me and. . .           

  

it hung there until I moved away.

From Entitlement to Thankful: Raising Children with an Attitude of Gratitude is an recent article by Dr. David Sack in the Parents section of the Huffington Post.

"It isn't until later in life that most people discover one of the keys to happiness: gratitude. The concept of thankfulness can be difficult for adults to embrace, and even harder for children and teens who believe the world revolves around them.

"There are so many valuable qualities we want to instill in our children -- why should we focus on gratitude? Grateful teens are not only more pleasant to be around, but according to one study, they are also less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol, be depressed and have behavioral problems at school.

"While some people may be blessed with a natural inclination toward thankfulness, for most of us gratitude is learned. By learning gratitude, children become sensitive to the feelings of others, developing their innate capacities for empathy and altruism, whereas entitled kids end up feeling perpetually disappointed."

Dr. Sack further states "Sometimes in our efforts to instill gratitude, we use approaches that look similar to gratitude but have unintended negative effects" which include Threats, Comparisons, Indebtedness, Flattery,
and Manipulation.  It is amazing ( and disconcerting and frightening) to discover what we often unintentionally do or say and the messages we are sending.

He follows with the recipe for Authentic Gratitude with ingredients including:   Share the Gift of Giving, Teach Family Values, Start a Family Tradition,  Assign Age-Appropriate Tasks, Serve Others, and Practice Mindfulness.

I highly suggest putting his article on your must read list. His recommendations are simple things that can/will make a world of difference.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-sack-md/gratitude_b_2277960.html

A few weeks ago I ran across another message that spoke to me.  It is posted on the mirrors in our bathrooms as a constant reminder.

Help for Loved Ones of Addicts and Alcoholics -- the Beginning

inspired (and I choose that word on purpose) to give a talk in church on addiction as it relates to choice and consequence, or as we call it, agency and accountability. Following that meeting a number of people came up to us and shared, with sad relief that they too had a loved one with similar problems. They felt that they were alone in their dilemma. As we became involved with more families of addicts we have found a distressing number of families like ours.

  As Gail stated in last Friday's blog, that talk turned into a small booklet "The Best Help is No Help."
  On Wednesdays we will be sharing its contents along with the additional insights we continue to learn.Hopefully you will find things of value.

The entire booklet consists of 42 pages and includes:

 1. A Weighty Matter
 2. What Do You Know About Agency?
 3. Agency in the Garden of Eden
 4. Freedom Isn't Free
 5. So What?
 6. What Have We Learned So Far?
 7. Hard Questions
 8. And Hard Answers
 9. No Respecter of Persons
10. Boundaries = Rules = Commandments
11. While Not Curable - Definitely Controllable (but not by us)
12. We're in This Together
13. The Learning Curve
14. The Dilemma
15. How is That?
16. Just This One More Time!
17. Facts From Fiction
18. In a Nut Shell
19. Onward

If you are one of the many in this situation, please "tune in" to
the Wednesday Edition.

And while we are simply Gail and Dave we also know life isn't always simple.