It is Important to Teach Your Children . . . the Attitude of Gratitude

When we received the annual thank you notes from some of our grandkids this past Christmas we noticed, while still short and to the point,  they were more thoughtful than the usual “thanks for _________. I love it.”

We later learned they had written their notes following a family discussion on gratitude.

What a wonderful idea for a family discussion.

What an extremely important discussion, for all of us,  in this era of entitlement.

With a little self-awareness we can teach gratitude by example.

Example is the most powerful form of teaching.  It keeps anyone from claiming  they can't hear what we are saying because what we are doing is  overpowering what we are saying.

When I was a young teenager I made a notice for my bedroom. I'm not sure where I originally read it but I know it spoke to me and. . .           

  

it hung there until I moved away.

From Entitlement to Thankful: Raising Children with an Attitude of Gratitude is an recent article by Dr. David Sack in the Parents section of the Huffington Post.

"It isn't until later in life that most people discover one of the keys to happiness: gratitude. The concept of thankfulness can be difficult for adults to embrace, and even harder for children and teens who believe the world revolves around them.

"There are so many valuable qualities we want to instill in our children -- why should we focus on gratitude? Grateful teens are not only more pleasant to be around, but according to one study, they are also less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol, be depressed and have behavioral problems at school.

"While some people may be blessed with a natural inclination toward thankfulness, for most of us gratitude is learned. By learning gratitude, children become sensitive to the feelings of others, developing their innate capacities for empathy and altruism, whereas entitled kids end up feeling perpetually disappointed."

Dr. Sack further states "Sometimes in our efforts to instill gratitude, we use approaches that look similar to gratitude but have unintended negative effects" which include Threats, Comparisons, Indebtedness, Flattery,
and Manipulation.  It is amazing ( and disconcerting and frightening) to discover what we often unintentionally do or say and the messages we are sending.

He follows with the recipe for Authentic Gratitude with ingredients including:   Share the Gift of Giving, Teach Family Values, Start a Family Tradition,  Assign Age-Appropriate Tasks, Serve Others, and Practice Mindfulness.

I highly suggest putting his article on your must read list. His recommendations are simple things that can/will make a world of difference.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-sack-md/gratitude_b_2277960.html

A few weeks ago I ran across another message that spoke to me.  It is posted on the mirrors in our bathrooms as a constant reminder.

Help for Loved Ones of Addicts and Alcoholics -- the Beginning

inspired (and I choose that word on purpose) to give a talk in church on addiction as it relates to choice and consequence, or as we call it, agency and accountability. Following that meeting a number of people came up to us and shared, with sad relief that they too had a loved one with similar problems. They felt that they were alone in their dilemma. As we became involved with more families of addicts we have found a distressing number of families like ours.

  As Gail stated in last Friday's blog, that talk turned into a small booklet "The Best Help is No Help."
  On Wednesdays we will be sharing its contents along with the additional insights we continue to learn.Hopefully you will find things of value.

The entire booklet consists of 42 pages and includes:

 1. A Weighty Matter
 2. What Do You Know About Agency?
 3. Agency in the Garden of Eden
 4. Freedom Isn't Free
 5. So What?
 6. What Have We Learned So Far?
 7. Hard Questions
 8. And Hard Answers
 9. No Respecter of Persons
10. Boundaries = Rules = Commandments
11. While Not Curable - Definitely Controllable (but not by us)
12. We're in This Together
13. The Learning Curve
14. The Dilemma
15. How is That?
16. Just This One More Time!
17. Facts From Fiction
18. In a Nut Shell
19. Onward

If you are one of the many in this situation, please "tune in" to
the Wednesday Edition.

And while we are simply Gail and Dave we also know life isn't always simple. 

When The Best Help is NO HELP

For quite a while I have been giving serious thought to presenting, on my blog, the information from a small book my husband wrote because, in spite of all of our best efforts and prayers, things don’t always go the way we would have hoped.  I would continue my regular posts on Fridays and add another day for this. Today I told Dave what I had in mind. 

Was it a coincidence that he was sitting at that very moment at his computer  (which is right next to my computer) reading a newspaper column by Carmen Rasmusen Herbert entitled “Don't worry; be a happy parent.” ? 

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865595056/Don’t-worry-be-a-happy-parent.html

We don’t believe in coincidence.

Carmen worries about being a good parent and she gives some of her concerns and conclusions. She also quotes from others. I’ll list a few highlights. Hopefully your interest will be piqued enough to check out her article and get “the rest of the story.”

I will print Carmen’s words in red and the others she quotes  in different colors. 

As I’ve sat and thought (and worried) about who and what is influencing my boys, I came across an interesting article from Forbes titled “7 Crippling Parenting Behaviors that Keep Children from Growing into Leaders.”

According to Forbes contributor Kathy Caprino, one of the behaviors to watch out for is "rescu(ing) too quickly."

Another hindering behavior, according to Caprino, is that "we rave too easily."

I heard this before I had kids and thought it was ridiculous. How is it possible to praise a child too much?

In his recent acceptance speech at the Golden Globes, actor Matthew McConaughey said his mother strongly encouraged adventure and hard work.

“If it was daylight, you had to be outside playing, and we’d go, ‘Why, mom?’ and she’d say, ‘Don’t watch somebody on TV do it for you, go out and do it for yourself.’ ” Because of her encouragement and support, McConaughey’s mother was a positive influence in her son’s life.

“Because we’re not the only influence on our kids, we must be the best influence,” Caprino writes.

The best influence. That's a lot of responsibility.

Dr. Tim Elmore, author of “Generation iY: Our Last Chance to Save Their Future,” “Artificial Maturity: Helping Kids Meet the Challenges of Becoming Authentic Adults” and “Habitudes,” shares:

“It’s important for parents to become exceedingly self-aware of their words and actions when interacting with their children, or with others when their children are nearby. Care enough to train them, not merely treat them to a good life. Coach them, more than coddle."

Part of taking the worrying out of living is the knowledge that you’re continually striving to do your best and teach correct principles by training and coaching and then allowing your kids to fall, fail and find themselves. That, I think, is the toughest, most crucial part.

Carmen’s  article was the answer and perfect introduction to what I have felt the need to do. 

This small booklet evolved from a talk Dave gave in Church in November 2006. It was not a traditional talk but apparently helped a lot of people realize they were “not alone.”

Two months later we printed six copies of the talk.  Those initial copies developed into this booklet. It has been printed in small quantities (10-25) at a time, as requested, through only word of mouth “advertising.”  We quit keeping track of the numbers in December 2010 after we passed the 500 mark, but now print 50 at a time.

We are saddened that such a need exists, but hopeful that it may be of some value in helping you through your trying times.  We are very thankful for our son who was willing to let Dave tell the story, and then, it’s transformation into a book. He has even passed them out to others from the very beginning. We appreciate his willingness to do this and are proud of the decisions he is finally making. 

“The Best Help is NO HELP” contains hard answers to hard questions about helping an addicted child or loved one. 

I will begin posting from this book on Wednesdays, beginning  February 5th,

Simple and Scrumptous Meringue Cookies

Dave's Mom Jennie was famous  for her "white cookies" ---- not only among family members, but in her neighborhood. They were also a frequently sought after confection for the wedding receptions of friends' children.

It amazes me how I could have, over the years, forgotten something so yummy and so simple. I remembered them this past week when we were attending a get-together where some of the attendees were on gluten-free diets.  They were a hit!!!!

Puffs of chip-filled meringues are heavenly

Along with my three- ingredient peanut butter quickies,  they top the charts for ease.

The ingredients: 
3 egg whites, 3/4 cup white sugar, 1 teaspoon vanilla and one heaping cup chocolate chips. 

The directions: Turn the oven on to 350 degrees. Cover a large cookie sheet with parchment paper or aluminum foil and set aside.

Using an electric mixer, beat the egg whites until soft peaks form. Add the sugar, about one-third at a time, beating well after each addition. Continue beating until stiff peaks form. 

Fold in the vanilla and chocolate chips. Drop by  teaspoon "fulls" onto prepared pan.  They do not spread so you can space them close together. 

Turn Oven OFF. and immediately place cookie sheet on the middle rack of oven.  Leave them (without opening the oven door) for at least 45 minutes. They should be dry to the touch (unless you live where it is humid -- they will be chewy rather than "crunchy" but still good). 

Let cool completely before removing from pan.  Makes about 36.

Just because I thought it was simple enough that even I could do it, I figured out the calorie count.  If I am correct it is 17-1/2 calories per cookie. That makes them even better!

Hints and Helps:
This was the first time I have made them with a stand mixer.  I couldn't imagine a 6-quart bowl would do anything with only 3 egg whites but boy, was I wrong! The whisk whipped them up in no time and then on low, folded in the flavoring and chips!  It was a breeze. 

Make sure your utensils are completely free from any grease or oil residue because even a teeny bit will keep the whites from peaking.

The same is true if even a teeny bit of egg yolk is in with the whites.*

You can vary the flavorings and flavors of chips.  We also love orange and mint.  Other ingredients can be added if desired.  Tinting the beaten whites with a couple of drops of  regular food coloring is also great. It is fun to experiment.

* I was sure I shared this trick on my blog before but I couldn't locate it so I went Google-searching again.  There are several sites explaining/demonstrating this method but this is the first one I came across.  It is worth watching. Even though most of us won't understand a word she is saying, the video "says" it all. I, along with several others now have a designated "squeezable" egg separator bottle.

http://www.thekitchn.com/the-best-trick-weve-seen-to-separate-eggs-video-176095

'til we eat again,
      I am Simply, Gail

P.S. The 3-ingredient peanut butter quickie cookie is listed in the cookbook on the right side of the blog, under what else . . . cookie: peanut butter quickie

What If . . .? Did you Know Seemingly Harmless Batteries . . .

Could Be the Culprit in a House Fire?

I didn't !

Until I received two e-mails this past week --- both warning us of the danger of storing batteries, even used batteries, haphazardly.  

Have you ever stored out-of-package batteries in a junk drawer or sack?  

I have!

We shouldn't!

The following is the e-mail I received with the sender's comments, followed by the link telling how battery fires start and how to prevent them. 

This applies to all batteries you dispose of; and you always need to be aware of loose ones coming into contact with anything conductive. I always wrap the terminals of any “dead” batteries before disposing of them.35 years in various generating stations and locomotive design/maintenance gave me a very healthy respect for fires.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSJH21WmALc  

I watched!
Hopefully you did also!!!

Create a Snack Basket Filled with . . .

portioned sizes of a variety of treats----for  a fraction of the cost of their commercial counterparts.

I don’t think I ever made a New Year resolution before I was married.  And I know positively neither Dave nor I have made one in our 51 years of marriage.

That said...  Well, actually, I don’t know why I said that.  I guess because I also know, positively, that Dave and I eat more, way more, than the portion sizes listed on the box, or can, or recipe or whatever.  The only time we don’t is when we don’t particularly like what we are eating.

And, in all honesty, how many of us are going to sit down with a glass of milk and a package of Oreo cookies (I have just discovered I LOVE the mint ones!) and eat the listed serving size of two!? The punctuation may be wrong but it is right in saying what I mean!!

You know why they make the portion size so low?  Because they are attempting to make the calories and fat grams sound reasonable by listing an absolutely unreasonable serving size.  That’s why!  What else could it be?

As I have posted at various times in the past, we are trying to eat more healthy. At times we do better than others.  I started the basket thing a few months ago and it has worked quite well.  It causes us to pause and decide what we want to snack on, sweet or salty? soft or crunchy? before we start nibbling away.
And the little packets set boundaries that we don’t do a good job of setting ourselves.

More and more grocery store shelves are filling with tons of “quick snacks”--- portioned and packaged for us----at outrageous prices.

My first step was to check out the snack-y items we had in our cupboards. 

I read the portion sizes of each and counted or measured each portion and zipped it in a snack-size zip-lock bag.  We had a starter selection of wheat thins, caramel-type popped-corn with peanuts, dried apples, dried bananas, pretzels, mixed nuts, and hulled sunflower seeds.

These were the first items to go into a large wicker basket I put on the bar that separates the kitchen from our eating area. 

Next I went to the store and picked up regular-sized boxes some of the sweet cereals we snack on when traveling and zipped them into packets. We like Chocolate Krave, tiny Cinna-bons, and filled/frosted Mini Wheats.

During the holidays we were given packages of pistachios and yummy little mints (It is nice how every package provides the number of servings it contains.) and each were added to the basket.

At the post holiday sales, in their own clearance basket for 75% off,  I grabbed two boxes of candy canes and a couple of bags of individually wrapped seasonal chocolates and did the same.  One bag of mixed types of mini candies had different portions for each: peanut butter “Santas”, snowflake” mint patties and milk chocolate “trees” so I packaged them accordingly: one santa, three snowflakes and two trees.

I wasn’t sure about the practicality of the candy canes, but who could pass up  12 full-size canes for 24 cents. (They are great when you longing  for a  long-lasting treat).

The basket sits on our bar in full view and we have not abused it (or ourselves).  

We are pretty amazed. People that drop by find it fun to search through the basket until something strikes their fancy.  I guess it is kinda like the candy dishes in banks, and other service providers.

I had decided I could be a little extravagant and throw away the empty snack bags but that went against my cheapskate-ness and all it took was for one of our snack-takers to ask where she should put the empty bag.  Now a clear plastic one-quart deli container nests among the full bags and holds the empty ones.

Try it ---- you may like it, and find it works for you, too. 

The Family: A Proclamation to the World

THE FAMILY

---

A PROCLAMATION TO THE WORLD

The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

WE, THE FIRST PRESIDENCY and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.

ALL HUMAN BEINGS—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.

IN THE PREMORTAL REALM, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshipped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize their divine destiny as heirs of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.

THE FIRST COMMANDMENT that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.

WE DECLARE the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan.

HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

WE WARN that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

WE CALL UPON responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.